My life is complicated. Two kids with disordered attachment that require
a lot of time and energy and attention. They were both adopted as
infants - don't try to tell me they don't remember (that's a whole other
post). One is angry most of the time, and creates constant conflict in
our family. The other needs a LOT of my time and affection to feel
connected. We are fairly sure he has ADHD, struggles with impulse
control, and with social skills. This requires constant supervision to keep him safe - both physically and emotionally.
My husband has depression and anxiety. It doesn't just 'go away' with medication, and the above issues create triggers every day that make it a challenge for him to function, let alone be cheerful, or supportive, or get the household chores done. He also has since childhood had a serious congenital heart disease that will require a transplant, probably within the next 5 years. He's gained a lot of weight as a result of the above mentioned, which is difficult for him physically and mentally. He's tired a lot. He's a stay at home dad, so he's 'on' alot, and he's sacrificed a lot to do this for our family. Mostly, he does a pretty amazing job under the circumstances, but there are days when frankly, it's really hard to be around him.
Me? I've created a business that I can mostly do from home so I can support our family financially while also being flexible so I can be home more than a regular office job would allow, AND allows me to do work that is important to me. But as a consultant, work is up and down, and sometimes I take on more than I should and I'm just not there when and where my family needs me. Given the above issues, they are easily offended by this.
I'm sensitive and introverted, so I can become a bit of a hermit, which also means I feel isolated sometimes, and lonely, and unappreciated, and a whole bunch of other things. I have McArdles disease, which isn't a crisis, but means exercising with others is an exercise in humility that I'm not always up for. I don't get enough exercise, or take enough time for myself, or get enough sleep, or ever feel like I get enough done. I stress about money more than I should or need to. I'd like to connect with people more, friends, community.... but.... see above. Last weekend there were 11 community events and we didn't go to a single one (also see above). Life is NEVER predictable in our life. Every outing is a challenge, and physically and emotionally exhausting, and often it's just easier NOT to go.
And frankly, all of this leaves me exhausted emotionally most of the time. And some days, like today, I just feel sorry for myself. Which isn't really helpful or productive, so I hate it, and don't stay here long. Tears of futility though, are the path to resilience.
My husband has depression and anxiety. It doesn't just 'go away' with medication, and the above issues create triggers every day that make it a challenge for him to function, let alone be cheerful, or supportive, or get the household chores done. He also has since childhood had a serious congenital heart disease that will require a transplant, probably within the next 5 years. He's gained a lot of weight as a result of the above mentioned, which is difficult for him physically and mentally. He's tired a lot. He's a stay at home dad, so he's 'on' alot, and he's sacrificed a lot to do this for our family. Mostly, he does a pretty amazing job under the circumstances, but there are days when frankly, it's really hard to be around him.
Me? I've created a business that I can mostly do from home so I can support our family financially while also being flexible so I can be home more than a regular office job would allow, AND allows me to do work that is important to me. But as a consultant, work is up and down, and sometimes I take on more than I should and I'm just not there when and where my family needs me. Given the above issues, they are easily offended by this.
I'm sensitive and introverted, so I can become a bit of a hermit, which also means I feel isolated sometimes, and lonely, and unappreciated, and a whole bunch of other things. I have McArdles disease, which isn't a crisis, but means exercising with others is an exercise in humility that I'm not always up for. I don't get enough exercise, or take enough time for myself, or get enough sleep, or ever feel like I get enough done. I stress about money more than I should or need to. I'd like to connect with people more, friends, community.... but.... see above. Last weekend there were 11 community events and we didn't go to a single one (also see above). Life is NEVER predictable in our life. Every outing is a challenge, and physically and emotionally exhausting, and often it's just easier NOT to go.
And frankly, all of this leaves me exhausted emotionally most of the time. And some days, like today, I just feel sorry for myself. Which isn't really helpful or productive, so I hate it, and don't stay here long. Tears of futility though, are the path to resilience.
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