I still don't know if anyone really reads the musings here, but some encouraging words from a friend prompted me to get my fingers moving. It's been a bit of a wild ride these past weeks and I'm just starting to catch my breath. January was a blur - I thought I was really prepared for G to be away again, but my optimism proved to be wildly misleading and so the first month was a slog. It seemed I couldn't get ahead of life enough to look up and see what was coming next. Then in mid-February, just as we were adjusting to him being home again for a few weeks, we got news of a new addition to our family. The 'telling' suddenly seemed like an overwhelming prospect. Adoption is like that I suppose... every milestone is met with anticipation and excitement, but also the prospect of responding to dozens of well-meaning questions about the whole process. We were also really aware of wanting to share the news with Amelia in a way that supported her processing it before ...
I am struggling... feeling stalled and stagnant in a life that is anything but. Work is challenging, kids are busy, G is functional and reasonably content. I am yearning... searching... stuck. Pulled to do something more, to focus on myself, and yet feel incredibly guilty about even contemplating that. There are moments when I am sure I am suffocating. When I am so incredibly bored with my life, when I am desperate to have something more, something just for me. I often feel it is a physical challenge I crave, and yet my body continually deserts me, betrays me.
Our bags are full to bursting, our kids are worn out, and we're heading home. This has been an amazing trip in so many ways. The Korean people we have met in our travels have been so kind and generous, welcoming us, and have given Amelia a sense of pride in her heritage. There have been many, many gifts, incredible food, and she will come home with so many memories. We spent the day yesterday at the Lotus Lantern festival which was so rich. It is the celebration of the birth of Buddha and Amelia painted and made traditional lantern boxes, saw singing and dancing and traditional costumes. It was wonderful and exhausting and I was overwhelmed by the incredible sense of connection. There are many more stories to tell, but they will have to wait as we fly home in a few hours. When we're home I'll have more time to post photos and stories of the trip. Though I am ready to settle our kids back into a routine, I look so forward to coming back here with them soon to explore this am...
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