Two worlds...

Much of the time I feel like I'm living in two different worlds, two lives even. Weekdays I'm completely absorbed in my work life. I feel so grateful to have a job that is so engaging, challenging and genuinely interesting that I love being at work most days. I work with great people, and for a supportive organizations. That's not to say that every day is pure joy - there are many challenges and whole weeks where I've wanted to throw in the towel and walk away. But most of the time I feel like I'm making a small difference in the world - and I'm completely engaged in how to do that as well as I possibly can. Many Fridays I'm sorry to see the week end.
And yet invariably by Sunday I'm engrossed in the joy of being home, spending the whole day with my family, in my home (which I love) and without the pressures of schedules and appointments, expectations and marching to someone else's agenda (unless you count the agenda of my 6 year old, which is relentless). There are creative projects spinning around in my head, ideas and intentions that I may never start and certainly am unlikely to finish (I'm NOT a finisher...). There are plenty of weekend challenges and frustrations too, but by Sunday night I have no desire to ever go back to work.
Sounds like the best of both worlds, don't you think? Except... this is why it feels so difficult to give either of them up for the other. Which is what I'm about to do, and consider again how to better balance them. Some days I feel like I don't know what I'll do if can't go to work and stay involved in all the exciting and amazing things that are going on in that work world. And then I come home and can't imagine how I'll ever to go back to work and send my babies off to daycare, school etc. again. I'm pulled in opposite directions constantly - it seems to be a theme in my life...

Comments

Cathryn said…
Sounds like a poem in the making, as it is a tug shared by many. I was going to add "women" to that sentence. Then I thought of some young fathers I know who are experiencing that same tug. The good news is that all of you, mothers and fathers in love with life at work and at home, are among the blessed of the earth.
April 26, 2010 at 8:40 AM
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